


the last jedi (but its good)

by totally_hetero



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Canon Rewrite, Crack Fic, F/M, Fix-It, shitpost, still better than what we got lmaoooo
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-02
Updated: 2018-04-02
Packaged: 2019-04-17 02:04:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 303
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14178162
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/totally_hetero/pseuds/totally_hetero
Summary: i decided to fix rian johnson's the last jedi (2017) all in one sitting.





	the last jedi (but its good)

“Luke Skywalker,” the young brunette looked up into the old Jedi’s eyes. “Please train me in the ways of the Force.” The man nodded. His vacation had already been too long but he had never wanted to leave Ach-To because where else could he find Porgs? Those little buggers were too cute to leave. Luke helped train Rey until she was super buff. The two of them went back to the Resistance ship where Leia and Luke shared a long awaited hug and mourned for Han together. Rey met back up with her super sweet and ray of sunshine boyfriend Finn. The two kissed, having missed each other while Rey was off training and Finn was helping General Leia and Admiral Ackbar.

Then the great battle came and they all went out onto the battlefield. Rey, having gotten buff as fuck, picked up Kylo Ren and threw him into the goddamn garbage chute. Finn kicked Captain Phasma down there too, followed by Hux cause Rose zapped his ass down there. Snoke feels this all through the Force causing him to have a heart attack and die, still wearing his ugly gold bathrobe. One of the leading generals who’s been waiting for this chance takes over, getting rid of the First Order and instead recreating the Republic. All the planets are freed and there’s a revolution in Canto Bight causing the slaves and working class to overthrow the nasty rich people a la Bolshevik style.

Poe gets promoted for all of his hardwork and attends Finn and Rey’s wedding as the best man. Luke and Leia have enough of this bullshit and retire to Naboo, where they have daily conversations with Anakin and Padme’s Force ghosts. Kylo Ren’s emo whiny ass is never seen again and Episode IX is them all just being happy.

**Author's Note:**

> hope yinz guys like this and drop a kudos  
> Bother me on tumblr @bobaluke for my writng blog.


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